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January 24, 2006

自己責任で

***初めに、今日の日記は面白いこと、一つも書いてありません。
  また、FFのことも一切書いてありません。
  ちょっと鬱気味です。
  上記のことを理解された上で、
  読んでいただける方の、自己責任でお願いします。

1月23日

今日は私の誕生日でした。
誕生日に、予約が入りましたヨ。
検査の結果を、聞きに行くと言う・・・。
つまり金曜日の件で、病院へ。
結果は、まぁ大丈夫でした。
多分疲れだと思うんですよね。
色々忙しかったから。

でも、旦那は原因について、
「私の精神状態が不安定だったから。」
「私に、寂しい思いをさせたから。」
と考えたらしいんですな。
そう思われる、思わせちゃう自分ってどうなんだろう・・・。
いい歳して、こんなことじゃいけななぁと、
解ってはいるけど、どうしたらいいか解らない。

一緒にいたい。
でも負担にはなりたくない。

いくつになっても、
恋(?)って難しいものですね。
悩みがつきません。
いくつになったら、こんな想いから、
解き放たれる事できますか?

そんなことを考えた、28回目の誕生日でした。

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